Sometimes I wonder if I’m a burden to people.
Not because anyone has actually come out and told me that I am, but because I’m always the one reaching out first. I’m the one sending the message, asking how someone’s doing, or checking in to see how their day is going.
And sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just stopped.
Would anyone notice?
Would someone message me to ask how I’m doing? Would anyone wonder where I’ve been, or would everything just carry on like nothing had changed?
It’s a shitty feeling, honestly.
Always being the one to reach out
Here’s the thing. I don’t expect people to be available every second of every day. I know everyone has their own lives, their own problems, and their own shit to deal with.
I understand that.
But there’s a difference between understanding that people get busy and feeling like you’re the only one making an effort to keep a connection alive.
Sometimes I’ll pick up my phone and think about messaging someone. I’ll wonder how they’re doing or think of something I want to tell them. Then I stop and think, Why am I always the one starting the conversation?
So I put my phone down.
And then I wait.
Sometimes nothing happens. Hours go by. Maybe a whole day passes. And eventually, that little voice in my head starts up again.
Maybe I’m annoying them. Maybe they don’t really want to talk to me. Maybe I’m just someone they reply to when I message first.
I know those thoughts aren’t necessarily the truth, but that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt.
Because underneath all of that, I just want someone to think of me without needing a reason to.
I want someone to send me a message because they want to talk to me. Not because I’ve reminded them that I’m here.
When you start questioning your own worth
The hardest part is what happens when you let those feelings sit with you for too long.
You start questioning yourself.
Am I too much? Am I not enough? Do I expect too much from people? Is there something about me that makes it so easy to forget about me?
And before you know it, something as simple as an unanswered message has turned into a whole argument in your head about whether you actually matter to anyone.
That’s exhausting.
Especially when you’re already trying to work on yourself.
I’m trying to understand my feelings better. I’m trying to learn how to deal with difficult days, make healthier choices, and work through the things that have weighed on me for a long time.
But some days I wonder why I’m putting in all this effort.
What’s the point of trying to become a better version of myself when it feels like nobody really gives a shit?
Why keep working on myself when I can’t seem to get something as simple as someone checking in on me?
I know that’s not entirely fair. Other people aren’t responsible for fixing everything I feel, and I can’t expect them to make me happy all the time.
But knowing that doesn’t magically make the loneliness disappear.
Sometimes you just need a little reassurance that you matter to somebody, too.
So why keep trying?
I think this is where I get stuck sometimes.
I know I need to work on myself for me. I’ve heard it before, and I understand what it means. My worth shouldn’t depend on how many messages I get or how often someone remembers to check in.
But it’s hard to believe that when you’re feeling forgotten.
So maybe the answer isn’t to stop caring about people. Maybe it’s to stop treating every silence as proof that there’s something wrong with me.
Someone not messaging me doesn’t automatically mean I’m a burden.
Someone being busy doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care.
And someone not putting the same effort into a relationship might say something about that relationship without saying anything about my worth as a person.
I’m still learning to separate those things.
I can care about someone without being responsible for keeping the entire connection alive. I can reach out when I genuinely want to, but I can also step back when I’m feeling drained.
I don’t have to keep chasing people just to prove that I’m worth knowing.
And I don’t have to pretend I’m okay with one-sided relationships just because I’m afraid of losing people.
It’s okay to want effort. It’s okay to want to feel remembered. It’s okay to want someone to ask how you’re doing without having to ask them first.
That doesn’t make me needy. It makes me human.
What I’m trying to do differently
I’m not going to pretend I’ve figured all of this out. I haven’t.
But there are a few things I’m trying to remind myself of when those feelings start creeping in.
First, I’m trying to stop assuming the worst.
When someone doesn’t message me, I’m trying not to immediately turn it into a story about how little I matter. I don’t always know what’s going on in someone else’s life, and I don’t need to fill in the blanks with the worst possible explanation.
Second, I’m allowing myself to step back.
Not to test people. Not to punish anyone or see who notices. I just need to remember that my energy matters, too. If I’m always the one making an effort and it’s starting to hurt, it’s okay to give myself some breathing room.
Third, I’m trying to recognize the effort that does exist.
Sometimes we get so focused on the people who aren’t showing up that we struggle to see the people who do. I’m trying to pay attention to genuine connections, even if they don’t always look exactly the way I expect them to.
And finally, I’m trying to keep working on myself even when I don’t feel particularly motivated.
Not because I need to become a better person to deserve love or friendship. I shouldn’t have to earn the right to matter.
I’m doing it because I deserve to feel better in my own life. Because I want to understand myself. Because I want to build a life where I don’t spend so much time questioning whether I’m worth somebody else’s attention.
I’m allowed to want people in my life and still learn how to be okay with myself.
Both things can be true.
I’m tired, but I don’t want to give up on myself
I wish I could say I’ve reached some big realization and now everything makes sense.
I haven’t.
I still get frustrated. I still wonder why I’m always the one reaching out. I still have days when I wish someone would send me a message out of nowhere and simply ask, Hey, how are you doing?
And I still have moments when I question why I’m trying so hard.
But I’m starting to understand that feeling forgotten isn’t the same as being worthless.
Feeling lonely doesn’t mean I’m a burden.
And struggling to believe that I matter doesn’t mean I don’t.
Maybe working on myself means learning to give myself some of the patience and understanding I’ve spent so much time hoping to receive from other people.
Maybe it means accepting that I can’t control who reaches out, who makes an effort, or who chooses to stay in my life.
But I can control whether I keep abandoning myself while I’m waiting for someone else to notice me.
I’m still here. I’m still trying. And even on the days when I struggle to see the point, I want to believe that things can get better.
Not overnight. Not magically.
Just little by little.
I want friendships that feel mutual. I want to feel comfortable being myself without constantly wondering if I’m too much. I want to stop feeling guilty for wanting to matter to the people I care about.
And I want to remember that I deserve those things without having to chase them from everyone I meet.
For now, that’s enough.
I’m still figuring it out, and maybe that’s okay.
What about you?
Have you ever felt like you’re always the one reaching out, checking in, and keeping friendships going? Have you ever wondered whether anyone would notice if you stopped making the effort?
If you’ve felt this way, I’d genuinely like to hear about it. You don’t have to have all the answers, and you don’t have to pretend everything is fine.
Sometimes it helps just knowing you’re not the only person who feels this way.
This is notes2noone, after all. A place for thoughts, experiences, and words that deserve somewhere to exist.