I’ve written a lot on here about the hard stuff. The things that get to me, the things that hurt, and the things that aren’t always easy to talk about.
So today, I thought I’d write about something a little different.
I think my counselling sessions are actually starting to help. And honestly, that’s a pretty nice thing to be able to say.
My counsellor has given me worksheets and different techniques to try when things get difficult. She’s even shown me how to do some of them during our sessions, which helps a lot more than just being handed a piece of paper and told to figure it out.
I’ve tried a couple of the techniques when things got hard, and you know what? They actually helped.
The feelings were still there, but they weren’t as overwhelming as they usually are.
It’s kind of like trying to fight a fire with a garden hose versus having a proper fire hose. You’re still dealing with the fire, but now you’ve actually got something that can help you fight it.
And that got me thinking.
Maybe things don’t have to feel quite as impossible as they used to.
I’ve also been opening up about some things from my past. The abuse, the bullying, and the things my egg donor did to me. It’s not exactly easy stuff to talk about, but I’ve been able to tell my counsellor about some of it.
It’s hard in the moment, but afterward, I feel a little lighter. Like I’ve finally got somewhere to put some of the heavy stuff I’ve been carrying around.
And it’s nice to have that.
Sometimes you just need somewhere to talk about things without feeling like you’re dumping all your problems on someone else.
Trust has been a bit of an issue for me, too, especially after what happened with a previous counsellor who breached my confidentiality.
That kind of thing makes it hard to open up again. When someone breaks your trust like that, it’s only natural to wonder if it’ll happen again.
I told my current counsellor about it, and she gave me her registration number and the contact information for the College of Social Workers here in Newfoundland and Labrador. She explained that there are professional standards and somewhere to turn if I ever experience something like that again.
And honestly, that helped quite a bit.
It wasn’t just someone saying, “You can trust me.” She gave me actual information and made sure I knew what my options were.
That made it a little easier to feel comfortable opening up.
I think that’s something I’ve been learning lately. You don’t have to suddenly trust someone with everything. Sometimes you can just take things a little at a time and see how it goes.
And then there’s the medication. Maybe that’s starting to help, too. I’m not going to pretend I know for sure just yet, but I’m noticing some changes, and I’m hopeful. I’ll keep paying attention to how I’m feeling and talk to my prescriber about it.
Between that and counselling, I feel like I’m starting to get a few more tools to deal with the hard days.
And that’s where the flashlight comes in.
I was thinking about it the other day, and it’s kind of how I see things right now. The darkness doesn’t just magically disappear, but I’ve got a flashlight to help me find my way through it.
I can see a little better now. I have some idea of what to do when things get overwhelming, instead of just feeling like I’m stuck in the middle of it all.
I’ve still got work to do. I’m not suddenly fixed, and I’m sure there will be days when things get difficult again.
But maybe those days don’t have to hit quite as hard anymore.
And that’s something I’m pretty happy about.
I know this is a bit different from some of my usual posts, but I think that’s okay.
This blog is where I put the things I don’t always know how to say out loud. And not everything I have to say is sad or difficult.
Sometimes there’s good stuff, too.
Sometimes things start getting a little better, and I think that’s worth talking about.
So here’s to finding a little light in the darkness, one day at a time.