For a long time, counselling was something I wanted nothing to do with.
When I was younger, I experienced a breach of confidentiality that affected the way I looked at counsellors. I had trusted someone with things that were personal to me, and that trust was broken. I don’t think people always understand how much something like that can stick with you, especially when you’re young and still figuring out who you can trust.
After that, opening up to a counsellor wasn’t something I felt comfortable doing.
It’s hard to sit down with someone and talk about your personal life when you’ve already had an experience that made you question whether your words would stay between you and the person you were talking to. Even if you know that not every counsellor is the same, that doesn’t automatically make it easier to trust another one.
So, for years, I just didn’t go.
Life went on, as it does. Things happened, thoughts piled up, and there were things I probably could have used some help working through. But the idea of sitting in a room with someone and talking about those things never felt particularly appealing.
Part of me knew that counselling might help. Another part of me wasn’t willing to take that chance again.
Eventually, I decided to try.
I’ve had two sessions so far, and my third is today. I’m still getting used to the idea of counselling again after all these years. I’m not going to pretend that walking through the door suddenly made all my doubts disappear, because it didn’t.
Trust takes time, and I think it’s going to take me some time to feel completely comfortable opening up.
I’m also realizing that I don’t have to tell someone everything right away. I can take things at my own pace and get comfortable with the process. After what happened when I was younger, I think that’s important for me.
I don’t know what the next few months will look like, or how much counselling will help me in the long run. I’m only two sessions in. It would be a little premature to claim that I’ve had some big breakthrough.
But I’m showing up, and for me, that’s a start.
I imagine there are other people who have had bad experiences with counselling or have found it difficult to trust someone with their personal lives. Maybe they’ve thought about trying again but keep putting it off for the same reasons I did.
I understand that hesitation. When someone breaks your trust, it can change how you approach similar situations for years afterward.
I’m not writing this to tell anyone that they should go to counselling or that it’s the answer to everything. Everyone has their own experiences, and what works for one person might not work for another.
I’m just writing about my own experience and the fact that, after years of avoiding it, I’m willing to give it another shot.
I still have a lot to work through. I still have some reservations. And I still don’t know exactly where this is going to lead.
But I’m giving it a chance.
For now, that’s where I’m at.
